[Not transparent for all of them. Near still doesn't know why he'd accepted death as the only option after he'd chosen to help him. That much is still unclear.]

In addition to feeling unwanted by me, apparently, you felt your efforts had been deemed worthless by L if they hadn't put you ahead of me in his eyes. [Nevermind that Near hadn't been chosen over Mello, either. That says something.] You left because you'd decided there was no longer a reason to remain there, set out to do things your own way to prove not only to me but to yourself that you were worthy.

[Unnecessarily, Near does not say. It's something he'd always known, was always obvious to him.]