[Another memory flashes in front of Micah's eyes - his hand, holding a gun again, only on a Japanese woman this time, in an enclosed, metallic space - the inside of a trailer, from what he can see. And Mello's thoughts, that same desperate strain of I have to do this, because ... ]
[It's a small statement, something he'd sort of suspected but had no confirmation of and hadn't thought of in months. But it's enough to make his stomach drop briefly, heart beat in his head for just a second.]
Their spokesperson in the media. [That explains why one of Near's agents went undercover as a bodygaurd for her.] Possibly a direct connection, even.
[Nathan does know chess, and there are a few terms that can apply here, given what generalities he can piece together of the situation.]
... Zwischenzug. [A beat before he realizes he probably needs to explain that.] An intermediary move that responds to a threat by becoming a bigger threat to the opponent, thus forcing an immediate response.
If . . . if Mello knew he would die doing this, but thought that Near would learn something from it, then that would make it a positional sacrifice.
[Though that still does not answer why Mello would do that when he'd disliked Near so much, wanted to be better than him.]
I do not have many specific memories of him, and some of those have come from interactions with you, so you know what those are. You've been told the other things . . .
[Though there is one thing they never got to, now that he thinks about it. It isn't anything from Mello's perspective, but . . .]
The only thing I can add is that . . . things I have gotten back suggest that while Mello hated Near, Near may have been fond of Mello. [Which is another thing that does not make sense, especially given the memory of that tense moment with the gun pointed at him.] But I can't say if Mello knew that or not, or whether it would have had any effect on his decision.
[That's even more surprising, though maybe it shouldn't be, since all Micah has to go from as far as Mello's direct interaction with Near is his lack of reaction at having a gun pointed at him and his callous proclamation about losing when told of L's death. It's not the most well-rounded of pictures.]
I don't think he did. Knew that, I mean. I think - that's something I would've picked up on.
[What he had picked up on was an awful, gnawing loneliness. It's something Micah is all too familiar with feeling. Maybe ... if Mello knew that someone cared for him, he wouldn't have felt such deep desperation.]
I had never . . . picked up on any particular impression. Based on the memories I have, I'd assumed indifference at best. It doesn't seem he treated Mello very well, given what Mello said while pointing the gun at him . . .
But. Some months ago, I Echoed back a photograph of him -- of Mello -- as a young teenager. The words 'Dear Mello' are written on the back.
[Naturally, this had been very confusing at the time, and to this day, Nathan cannot precisely say that he understands it.]
[As Nathan describes the photo, another memory comes screeching through Micah's mind, heralded by another wave of dizziness and nausea. He sees the photograph of his younger self in his hand - it could be a school portrait from any year, the boy clothed in plain black and a defiant refusal to smile. He hears Near's voice, so similar to Nathan's and yet strikingly different: "It's not a hundred percent perfect, but but I think it's safe to say that you won't be killed by the notebook."
Then he sees his gloved hand flip the photograph over to reveal those two words written on the back. Dear Mello. He feels a heavy weight drop and settle in his stomach, and he feels a flash of anger prick all the way up the back of his neck. Micah struggles with words through the disorienting mix of sudden emotions.]
He thought ... he was being played. By Near. All of it.
[No new memory comes flooding into Nathan right now. He just . . . keeps playing with his hair, trying to figure things out. These people were so strange, and they make so little sense sometimes.
[To hear that statement is saddening, but he cannot really fault it.] Honestly, I'm not certain I would put Near above that kind of behaviour. [He sounds uncomfortable, almost apologetic about that fact. It may have been the kind of person he was in that other life, but it isn't the kind of person he wants to be in this one.]
But when we get things . . . they are almost invariably things that were important to our Others, or had some importance in something that happened to them. If that photo weren't important to Near . . . I do not think I would have gotten it.
[The fact that he has the photo, more than anything, lends Nathan toward believing that the statement had been genuine. So much of Near's other behaviour doesn't seem to bear it out, but with the way Echoes work . . .]
[The photograph was important? But how ... as a bargaining chip of sorts, maybe - that's what Mello thought, that Near must have known they'd meet and that's why he held onto it, why he let Mello know he had it.]
[That could explain it, yes. But it would not explain the writing on the back. It doesn't seem like Near could have reasonably expected Mello to think it was genuine.]
I've kept every object I've Echoed. [Because they are important. Because he thinks that maybe they will help him understand.] My house wasn't too badly damaged by the fires, so all of them are still intact.
I dunno ... you said it's important, right? Maybe just ... why.
[Like maybe if he holds it in his hand, he'll get another Echo, with a better explanation, or more insights. Maybe there will be some kind of clue as to who Mello and Near were, something better than what they've been shown in memories.]
Yeah ... I guess there's just no way of knowing what's gonna set off a memory until it happens.
[If the process were entirely predictable, it could potentially be avoided, if not fully, at least in part. Like with the memory that prompted the phone call.]
Hey ... thanks for talking with me about this. I'm feeling ... [tired, mostly] a little better about it. It's kind of a shock, you know?
[It's true. Sometimes the most unexpected things can set off an Echo. And even the expected triggers could give something they don't anticipate. There had been a combination of the two factors for Nathan when they'd fled Willow Ridge during the invasion.
[He still does not quite know why that had triggered gaining riot gear. Custom-fit for his size.]
It's no problem. And I suppose it would be. I'm not sure most of us ever remember . . . that part.
[Or perhaps most of them had actually survived the ordeals which they all have come to remember. Lazarus remembers that he'd died. Nathan does not. Putting together what he knows . . . he thinks that Near probably survived the Kira investigation.
[... Possibly thanks to Mello. Strange as it seems, given their relationship.]
Voice
Date: 2016-01-28 03:59 am (UTC)Kiyomi Takada. Does it mean anything?
Voice
Date: 2016-01-28 04:22 am (UTC)... She's connected to Kira.
Voice
Date: 2016-01-28 04:43 am (UTC)Their spokesperson in the media. [That explains why one of Near's agents went undercover as a bodygaurd for her.] Possibly a direct connection, even.
Voice
Date: 2016-01-29 02:50 am (UTC)[He doesn't know a lot about chess, but he has paid attention to what Lazarus told him.]
She was an important piece on the board. That's why he targeted her.
Voice
Date: 2016-01-29 05:11 am (UTC)... Zwischenzug. [A beat before he realizes he probably needs to explain that.] An intermediary move that responds to a threat by becoming a bigger threat to the opponent, thus forcing an immediate response.
If . . . if Mello knew he would die doing this, but thought that Near would learn something from it, then that would make it a positional sacrifice.
[Though that still does not answer why Mello would do that when he'd disliked Near so much, wanted to be better than him.]
Voice
Date: 2016-02-01 04:53 am (UTC)[Micah doesn't know much about Mello, but he thinks he knows enough to believe that this action flies in the face of all logic.]
I mean - is there anything else you know about this guy? Anything else you've picked up? You've been at this a lot longer than I have.
Voice
Date: 2016-02-01 06:48 am (UTC)[Though there is one thing they never got to, now that he thinks about it. It isn't anything from Mello's perspective, but . . .]
The only thing I can add is that . . . things I have gotten back suggest that while Mello hated Near, Near may have been fond of Mello. [Which is another thing that does not make sense, especially given the memory of that tense moment with the gun pointed at him.] But I can't say if Mello knew that or not, or whether it would have had any effect on his decision.
Voice
Date: 2016-02-02 01:57 am (UTC)[That's even more surprising, though maybe it shouldn't be, since all Micah has to go from as far as Mello's direct interaction with Near is his lack of reaction at having a gun pointed at him and his callous proclamation about losing when told of L's death. It's not the most well-rounded of pictures.]
I don't think he did. Knew that, I mean. I think - that's something I would've picked up on.
[What he had picked up on was an awful, gnawing loneliness. It's something Micah is all too familiar with feeling. Maybe ... if Mello knew that someone cared for him, he wouldn't have felt such deep desperation.]
Voice
Date: 2016-02-02 03:44 am (UTC)I had never . . . picked up on any particular impression. Based on the memories I have, I'd assumed indifference at best. It doesn't seem he treated Mello very well, given what Mello said while pointing the gun at him . . .
But. Some months ago, I Echoed back a photograph of him -- of Mello -- as a young teenager. The words 'Dear Mello' are written on the back.
[Naturally, this had been very confusing at the time, and to this day, Nathan cannot precisely say that he understands it.]
Voice
Date: 2016-02-02 04:45 am (UTC)Then he sees his gloved hand flip the photograph over to reveal those two words written on the back. Dear Mello. He feels a heavy weight drop and settle in his stomach, and he feels a flash of anger prick all the way up the back of his neck. Micah struggles with words through the disorienting mix of sudden emotions.]
He thought ... he was being played. By Near. All of it.
Voice
Date: 2016-02-02 06:13 pm (UTC)[To hear that statement is saddening, but he cannot really fault it.] Honestly, I'm not certain I would put Near above that kind of behaviour. [He sounds uncomfortable, almost apologetic about that fact. It may have been the kind of person he was in that other life, but it isn't the kind of person he wants to be in this one.]
But when we get things . . . they are almost invariably things that were important to our Others, or had some importance in something that happened to them. If that photo weren't important to Near . . . I do not think I would have gotten it.
[The fact that he has the photo, more than anything, lends Nathan toward believing that the statement had been genuine. So much of Near's other behaviour doesn't seem to bear it out, but with the way Echoes work . . .]
Voice
Date: 2016-02-03 03:57 am (UTC)And you still have the photo?
Voice
Date: 2016-02-03 05:12 am (UTC)I've kept every object I've Echoed. [Because they are important. Because he thinks that maybe they will help him understand.] My house wasn't too badly damaged by the fires, so all of them are still intact.
Voice
Date: 2016-02-06 09:24 pm (UTC)Voice
Date: 2016-02-06 11:05 pm (UTC)... What are you hoping to learn from it?
Voice
Date: 2016-02-07 12:13 am (UTC)[Like maybe if he holds it in his hand, he'll get another Echo, with a better explanation, or more insights. Maybe there will be some kind of clue as to who Mello and Near were, something better than what they've been shown in memories.]
Voice
Date: 2016-02-10 02:47 am (UTC)Voice
Date: 2016-02-10 03:22 am (UTC)[If the process were entirely predictable, it could potentially be avoided, if not fully, at least in part. Like with the memory that prompted the phone call.]
Hey ... thanks for talking with me about this. I'm feeling ... [tired, mostly] a little better about it. It's kind of a shock, you know?
Voice
Date: 2016-02-10 08:49 am (UTC)[He still does not quite know why that had triggered gaining riot gear. Custom-fit for his size.]
It's no problem. And I suppose it would be. I'm not sure most of us ever remember . . . that part.
voice
Date: 2016-02-12 07:09 pm (UTC)[A more full picture of who Mello was, maybe, though Micah doesn't have a clue about what the overall purpose of that could be.]
Anyway, if you think of anything else you know about this guy, will you let me know?
voice
Date: 2016-02-13 04:39 am (UTC)[Or perhaps most of them had actually survived the ordeals which they all have come to remember. Lazarus remembers that he'd died. Nathan does not. Putting together what he knows . . . he thinks that Near probably survived the Kira investigation.
[... Possibly thanks to Mello. Strange as it seems, given their relationship.]
I will let you know.
voice
Date: 2016-02-13 05:43 am (UTC)