[Mello taps the knife against the side of his leg, agitated. The only thing worse than making this mistake in the first place is needing to explain it - to Near, of all people.]
What I was thinking, Near? What am I always thinking about? How to be better. You know that better than anyone.
[And that single driving factor is who he is, what motivates his actions. It's a part of him so deeply embedded it cannot be excised.
And it's a significant part of what makes him dangerous.]
It sensed that about me, Near - that's how it got to me. It knew what I wanted, and it convinced me that it could give me what I wanted, and that's - that's not something I can turn off.
[He's always considered it a strength, his drive to succeed. Only now is he beginning to see it as a weakness, and that feels to Mello like failing twice over. He shakes his head, disgusted with himself, and turns back to collecting his belongings from the desk.]
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Date: 2016-12-19 07:47 pm (UTC)What I was thinking, Near? What am I always thinking about? How to be better. You know that better than anyone.
[And that single driving factor is who he is, what motivates his actions. It's a part of him so deeply embedded it cannot be excised.
And it's a significant part of what makes him dangerous.]
It sensed that about me, Near - that's how it got to me. It knew what I wanted, and it convinced me that it could give me what I wanted, and that's - that's not something I can turn off.
[He's always considered it a strength, his drive to succeed. Only now is he beginning to see it as a weakness, and that feels to Mello like failing twice over. He shakes his head, disgusted with himself, and turns back to collecting his belongings from the desk.]
I can't stay here.