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[solvethepuzzle]

"This is Near. I assume you know what to at this point."
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(Good luck ever getting video from him. But if you want to . . .)

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[torrefied]

[Maybe teasing is how affection is shown in children under the age of twelve - then again, considering the emotional maturity quotient each of them has, maybe that's accurate. In any case, Mello's expression sours, but it's more of an exaggerated show of souring. Dryly, he remarks:]

So you're just a sadist, then. I see how it is.

[But the answer Near gives and the answer he doesn't give are illuminating all the same. Mello never imagined Near wanted attention from anyone - he was quiet, almost reclusive, always rebuffing any invitation from the other children to join them in their activities. Mello has always been borderline-obsessed with Near, but he always thought it was entirely one-sided. The idea that what Near wants is for Mello to pay attention to him makes for a startling realization. Quieter, gaze dropped to the stairs again:]

You don't really have to work that hard for it, you know.

[solvethepuzzle]

[Developing emotional maturity had never been part of the curriculum. They may be adults in the number of years they've lived, but in so many other ways, they are still children. His grin broadens a bit.]

Oh my, an asshole called me a sadist, whatever shall I do?

[But the smile is gone after that. Not so much because of what Mello says, but because its time has passed. He had declined offers to play with the other children all the time. The other children were boring, quite frankly; he'd never been social even before the House. It would be a mistake to say he'd liked Mello immediately, but Near had been interested by him right away. He's the one he'd deigned worthy of his time.] Perhaps I don't consider it work.

[No, he is not going to stop his occasional teasing. Deal with it.]

[torrefied]

[Mello's mouth curves into a scowl, but it's a half-hearted one at best, and it quickly fades from his expression.]

I thought it was obvious that you've always had my attention.

[solvethepuzzle]

It's fallacious to assume there is always only one reason for someone's actions.

[Where Mello is concerned, Near often has many. Nothing with them is simple.]

[torrefied]

True.

[He's not wrong. While people can be predicted to a certain extent, they are still often incredibly unpredictable, too.]

What other reasons did you think I might have?

[solvethepuzzle]

[He'd been referring to himself with that, but if this keeps the subject of discussion off his own motivations, so much the better.]

To which particular events are you referring? [They've discussed so many.]

[torrefied]

Any of them. I thought I was always pretty transparent about my reasons for the things I've done.

[solvethepuzzle]

[Not transparent for all of them. Near still doesn't know why he'd accepted death as the only option after he'd chosen to help him. That much is still unclear.]

In addition to feeling unwanted by me, apparently, you felt your efforts had been deemed worthless by L if they hadn't put you ahead of me in his eyes. [Nevermind that Near hadn't been chosen over Mello, either. That says something.] You left because you'd decided there was no longer a reason to remain there, set out to do things your own way to prove not only to me but to yourself that you were worthy.

[Unnecessarily, Near does not say. It's something he'd always known, was always obvious to him.]

[torrefied]

[Well ... yes. Near's analysis is correct, and Mello can feel his face burn hot for a moment. Before today, he might have snapped something nasty in return, maybe even walked off by this point. But he is trying to understand Near. He wants to understand.]

There wasn't really anything left for me to learn there, Near. And anyway, put yourself in my shoes, since you have all this experience with being other people. [It's not said as nastily as he could say it, all things considered.] Would you really expect me to stick around after losing that much?

[solvethepuzzle]

[When one asks a question, they should be prepared for an answer, no matter what it is. Mello had given him the freedom to choose what he analyzed, and this had been the first particular event to come to mind. Near isn't ignorant of the idea that this would be painful for Mello to hear, even if causing pain had not been his express intention.]

Bear in mind, though, that just as you weren't chosen over me, I was not chosen over you, despite coming out ahead in all evaluations. In the eyes of the one whose opinion mattered most, we were on equal footing.

[He catches the bite in the words, though it isn't at such a terrible intensity.] I won't say that any of them have experienced that specific kind of loss. The one they've all shared is one that we already did by the time we arrived at the House. [Orphans, all of them. Save for that strange place where he'd been a computer program, and parentage had not been applicable.] One of them did leave, rather than take a more comfortable option, feeling there'd been nothing left for him at his home. Your position on the matter makes sense.

[torrefied]

[Mello opens his mouth to reply and then shuts it again. It's true; Near wasn't chosen over him by L, because L didn't have a chance to make a final decision before he was killed. But despite the fact that he works in grey spaces, Mello's thinking about this subject in particular has always been very black and white, win or lose, winner take all. There was no equal in a race where there was only room for a single victor.]

I guess ... I never thought of it like that.

[And he feels rather stupid, now that it's been brought to his attention, because it is rather obvious.]

[solvethepuzzle]

If the choice had been so clear-cut, I would think that it would have been made.

It's admittedly speculation on my part; there could be any number of reasons why there had been no final decision. [He shrugs, almost lazily. He leaves it unsaid that if they want to know, they can ask; L is here, after all. Ultimately, though, the reason doesn't much matter to Near. The result was the same.]

[torrefied]

[Knowing the answer to that question is within grasp, with L here and alive again. But it won't alter what's happened; it would only serve as a footnote in the file for Mello.]

I can't change the past, Near. I can't rewind the past five years and stay instead of leaving.

[There's an unspoken question in his statement of fact - what needs to be done with the future?]

[solvethepuzzle]

I know. [He hears the unspoken question, but it's a reflexive statement, flat and bland rather than irritated and defensive.]

Perhaps now that we understand one another better we can attempt more stable interaction in the future. [He doesn't say "try to be friends" because he hardly knows what that is, and it seems too close for his overly cautious sensibilities besides. He doesn't trust Mello enough for that.

[But getting along better? That may be possible, if they put in the effort.]

[torrefied]

[Neither of them is trusting, by nature or nurture or a combination thereof, and Near is less trustworthy than possibly anyone else Mello knows, simply because he knows him better than anyone else. Information can be a weapon in the hands of people such as they, and liking someone doesn't mean you'll never hurt them.

But everything is different now. There is an entirely new framework for Mello to exist within, and he agreed with what Sharon said earlier - he needs to accept this, adapt to it, work with it until it's as comfortable on his skin as well-worn leather.]

So you're proposing - what, an alliance?

[solvethepuzzle]

[No, it doesn't mean Near would never hurt him or use him. He's done both of these things in spite of his longstanding fondness. Always for a purpose -- when the hurt had been intentional, though the majority hasn't -- and never as an end, but he's done it all the same.

[Here, though, there is nothing he stands to gain from it.] Knowing what you do now, would you accept one?

[torrefied]

[In truth, Mello is already halfway there, and he has been since Near's arrival, when he suggested Near stay in the same house. It hasn't been an alliance exactly, because it's been unspoken and one-sided, but it's been something close to it - Mello is concerned with Near's safety and has worked toward that end, even against his own self-interest.

Mello considers the question for a moment, weighing pros - of which there are many - and cons - of which there are few. The end result of the equation is that it is slanted heavily in their mutual interest to band together in this place. Mello nods.]

Yeah. I would. With one explicit caveat - you treat me like an equal.

[It's really a reiteration of one of the rules he laid down for Near sharing the same living space with him.]

You think you can manage that?

[solvethepuzzle]

[Near has long been of the opinion that an alliance would benefit both of them greatly. Mello has been the holdout, and both of them need to want it to work for it to be successful. It's one reason among others that Near had never tried to press him into it back home.]

I can do that. [Near isn't naive enough to think that this will be smooth. They are inevitably going to disagree on how to handle some things. What's important is how they handle those disagreements when they arise.] We're in agreement, then?

[torrefied]

[An alliance isn't a panacea; Mello and Near have very different temperaments, ideas, and thought processes, and it's likely they will always disagree on something. An alliance isn't a guarantee of synchrony, only an acknowledgement that it is in their mutual interest to work together. Doing the actual working together will take effort, but Mello's agreement means that he is now at least willing to try.]

Yeah ... I think we are.

[He glances up to the door behind Near, chewing lightly on his bottom lip.]

Are you gonna let me back in? I'm guessing I have some damage control to do.

[solvethepuzzle]

Good.

[He unwinds his finger from his hair, reaches his hand behind himself to make the requisite gesture to unseal the door.]

I don't believe he's upset with you. [Though it can be difficult to tell where L is concerned; their mentor is hard to read. Not that Near will dissuade Mello from talking to him if he wishes.

[He pushes himself to his feet and re-enters the house, confident in the knowledge that Mello is following him.]

[torrefied]

I still probably better talk to him.

[Mello climbs to his feet, shoves his hands into the pockets of his coat, and makes quick work of following Near through the door.]

He deserves an explanation, at least.

[Mello wouldn't go so far as to say he feels like he owes L an explanation for his behavior, because Mello doesn't, as a general rule, owe anyone anything. But he'd been witness to something volatile, something for which he may not have been prepared. And Mello respects L and values his opinion too much to brush off any ensuing awkwardness.]

[solvethepuzzle]

[He closes and seals it, the spell being second-nature by this point.]

I will leave you to it, then. [And he heads back to his room, removing the sheathed knife from his coat sleeve -- he's clearly taken Mello's "carry it whenever you leave the house" instruction very seriously -- before unzipping the coat.]